I thought of the 'Animals are evil' page as a harmless piece of whimsical humour. But some people took it seriously. Very seriously indeed.
This is an email I got from a lady in America called Janet:
HOW DARE YOU! Animals are not evil! You and your stupid antics are truly evil.I CANT BELIVE YOU DARE GIVE ANIMALS BAD NAMES! You ought to be sued!!!!Animals are the pure good souls on earth, and humans are evil and dirty. Animals mare your companion and are loyal. YOU ARE TRULY EVIL, TO LABEL ANIMALS THAT WAY...YOU SHOULD BE DESTROYED.
I replied:
I don't know. Either you have a very dry sense of humour or you're incredibly stupid. The "animals are evil" page is a joke. Obviously animals aren't really evil. How old are you? If you're under-15, I understand... if you're older than that, then you're obviously a bit slow. The page is satire. Animals can't REALLY speak. Is that so hard to understand?
She emailed me back:
I dont care whether it was a joke or not. I know animals cant talk im not DUMB like you. You are still giving them bad names and i suggest you change that. Love, me.
So, I replied again, rather tersely, I must admit:
No, I am not giving animals a bad name. It is satire. I work on the assumption that adults are clever enough to make up their own minds about whether animals are evil or not, and I doubt anyone is stupid enough to read my page and fly into a murderous rage and kill loads of animals.You must be very stupid to think otherwise. The point of the page is that people see cute animals, fall in love with them, and bestow human characteristics on them, ignoring the fact that no matter how cute they might look, they are still animals and therefore more interested in eating and fucking than posing for photos whilst wearing mittens. I find it staggering that there are people in the world as stupid as you. There are people who torture animals... there is a huge trade in fur, both legal and otherwise and there are massive multinationals that make profit from meat, and yet you attack my page because it has animals talking and jokingly says that animals are evil. My god, you really depress me. 99% of people who read my website get the humour, but there is always 1% that really don't have brains and take everything at face value.
She replied, as I expected:
LISTEN BUDDY,U MUST BE INCREDIBLY STUPID!!!!!!!!I TOLD U I DONT CARE WHETEHER IT IS A JOKE OR NOT; YES YOU ARE GIVING ANIMALS A BAD NAME! I DONT CARE WHETHER YOU CALL ME THE STUPID ONE OUT OF 100%! IF THERE IS A PROBLEM WITH SPEAKING UP FOR WAT U BELIVE FOR, WAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS LIFE? IM KEEPING TO MY WORD AND YOU CAN CALL ME STUPID SON OF A BITCH BUT I DONT CARE. IM STICKING TO MY WORD. yes your page has an amusing touch but USING ANMALS FOR THAT IS JUST PLAIN MEAN. IM DISGUSTED THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD LIKE YOU! NOW YOU CAN STOP SENDING ME BACK THESSE RETARED E-MAILS AND YOYUR COME BACKS ARE LAME AND MEAN NTHING AT ALL TO ME. LEAVE ME ALONE AND GOOD-BYE! THIS IS THE LAST E-MAIL IM SENDING YOU AND IM DELETEING ALL THE E-MAILS U R SENDING ME FROM NOW ON...
GET THE PICTURE...GREGGOREY?
I sent her one last mail informing her that she had started emailing me, and that my name wasn't Greggory. In hindsight I regret being so rude to her, but I was in a bad mood. So, I would like to clarify that i do not really believe that animals are evil. Some are, but most are just interested in where their next meal is coming from. I quite like animals. In a sense, it was my own fault... if you make a page saying animals are evil, then you can't blame people for assuming you think that animals are evil.
